A Complete Beautiful Mess
I was told on more occasions than once that parenthood would be the hardest thing you ever do.
What a load of shit...
A complete back of the head eye roll. Hard? Looks like a delicious piece of cake. Isn't it just going around coffee shops all day and having walks along the beach? It's funny how much I thought I knew without even having a child! How wrong was I? I was absolutely fucking off my god damn rocker..
I remember days of walking down the beach talking with Kane about 'what we will do when – she doesn't sleep, she's teething, she's crying, she's fussy on her food' HA! 'What we will do when' doesn't exist. It's trying new things until something works…. And then trying one hundred more things until it works again. It's adaptability. All those beautifully, well thought out intended plans that you talk about with your other half during pregnancy... I can only laugh!
Exhaustion suddenly becomes a constant companion to our emotional state. It becomes a state of being that bonds us to other wonderful parents, (shout out to my mum home girls) gives us an immense gratitude and respect to our own parents (especially my mum, she is an angel sent from the heavens... Hallelujah!) - challenges us and pushes us to our absolute limits. Limits we didn't even know existed.
But.... Even in the thick of it, that foggy, heavy eyed feeling that you've lost your sight, yet in fact you've forgotten to open your eyes from downright tiredness, or that feeling you're flying to the other side of the world but you’re stuck in forever transit, as in the plane never arrives at your final destination - that absolute mind blowing, aching, head pounding, exhaustion - we manage to push through.
Why? Because it's all worth it when your child laughs, or smiles, or you walk in the door and they light up saying 'mumma, mumma, mumma' or 'dadda, dadda' with the biggest grin on their face and reach out for you to pick them up.
Or, they're chuffed with themselves because they've learnt to crawl or stand - even if they want to practise this from midnight until 5:30am because that's totally when I want to practise a new skill. Yet, above anything, when they peacefully fall asleep in your arms. It truly is the most euphoric feeling you'll ever encounter. It's complete and utter unconditional love.
I'm slowly learning to let go of control. Who knew I was actually a control freak? I didn't. I never in a million years considered myself a strategic planner.
I remember an old boss of mine saying to me - 'If you fail to plan...you are planning to fail' - I walked away thinking 'Well, I'm quite frankly fucked then...'
How can you be a strategic planner when you date a surfer? You have to be adaptable! Trips away aren't planned. You go where the waves are good. So here I was thinking having a child would be as easy as dating a surfer...
I was use to plans changing. I mean, if there is a swell brewing hundreds of miles away - they'll drop everything (and I mean everything) grab their board and head in that direction. Surely... Surely I could handle routines changing with a baby! It would be just like the forever changing tides.
So, do I have any advice at the end of this ramble? I mean, you've already been inundated with everyone else's advice and you're so overwhelmed by the amount of information you already have!
B...U...T my advice to you beautiful mother to be, is to go easy with yourself, to ask for help, to stop comparing yourself or your baby to someone else's - we are all individuals with all different needs. There is no right way. There is no wrong way. It's simply listening to your inner wisdom. Holding space without judgement. Emotionally connecting and communicating that incredibly healing message of 'you are not alone'
Parenthood or motherhood for me is not for the faint hearted as it is a brave journey. It's happiness, fun, heart melting, laughing, loving, joy, delight and beauty but it's also vulnerability, frustration, anxiety, challenging, heart wrenching, messy, fear and uncertainty.
It's a complete beautiful mess.
